Anyhow, that's not what this entry is about.
I'm sick of this. I'm sick of not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life. I hate the unknown. I'm not a control freak or anything (at least I hope I'm not), I just really get aggravated when I have no idea what's going on in life. Especially in my life. Okay, I guess that makes me a little bit of a control freak...yikes.
Last week I got accepted into Master's Commission Atlanta. And for that I am incredibly thankful and excited. That should be an amazing feeling right?! Well, in one week that happened along with Focus.One Experience and two random people asked me if I'd ever want to do the internship. I feel like there's so many things I want to do in my life, but I have no idea how or when that's gonna happen. That whole week stress and worry just filled up in my mind. What the crap a I gonna do? All three of those are amazing choices. I don't even see myself going to college anytime soon. I just don't know anymore. I see myself going into ministry. But how? What would I do there, even? I have no idea. I've narrowed it down to that I'm pretty much going to Atlanta. It really is what I want to do.
Then there are days like these that I realize I only have about a year left here. Then I go off to a completely different state for nine whole months. I have no idea how I'm going to live on my own! NO IDEA AT ALL!! I feel like I'm second guessing myself on everything these days and I'm not liking it at all. I feel like there's so much more I can be doing now with my life, but I'm so busy figuring out the big picture that I forget to focus on now. But then, I guess when you think of it, the big picture should be focusing on the now to make tomorrow better. I just can't imagine leaving everything here behind. Everyone, myself included, always talks about wanting to get out of this town. But now that it's getting close to that, I'm scared out of my mind.
I guess that's all I really had to say. Either that or this is just my excuse to go to bed. :) Anyhow, I suppose after all this going through my head I really do know what to do. Trust. Trust God with everything inside of me. Have faith that everything WILL eventually turn out right despite every thought inside of me. When I live by His Word and His call, He'll lead me in the right path. I just have to let go and give it to Him.
Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading. <--Oswald Chambers
It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. <--Hebrews 11:8 (NLT)
Have a faith that's willing to walk into the unknown.
